Bill Cowher is not going to save the Ravens

Alright, I woke up to Bill Cowher on the front page of the sports section of The Sun, and that's just plain unpleasant. I went on to read Rick Maese's column about why The Chin is the best option for "a quick turnaround."

Alright, let's dispel the fantasies.

1) Bill Cowher said he's not going to coach next year, and even though people change their mind, that's never a good sign.

2) Steve Bisciotti would probably have to make Cowher the highest paid coach in the league, somewhere around $6 or $7 million a year. Unfortunately Bisciotti has the highest-paid non-coach in the league, to the tune of 15 million dollars over the next three years. That's the worst Baltimore contract problem since Albert Belle. He's not gonna spend the money.

3) Cowher was coach in Pittsburgh for 15 years. Don't doubt his loyalty to his former fan base or the Rooneys, his former bosses. He was the longest-tenured coach in the NFL for awhile, and since the Steelers are division rivals, he might have a sympathetic ear to some people back in Pittsburgh. Look at those pictures - you think that doesn't still make him feel emotional?

4) Even if he does become head coach, think about this: Kelly Gregg, Jonathan Ogden, Mike Flynn, Ray Lewis, Steve McNair, Derrick Mason, Trevor Pryce and Samari Rolle all are or should be thinking about retirement. I guarantee that if the Ravens hire Bill Cowher, a bunch of those guys don't come back. Our camps need to be harder, but veterans with older bodies, particularly Ogden, Gregg and Flynn, aren't going to want to submit themselves to a hard Cowher-coached camp. So even if we get the guy, we lose a lot of experienced personnel, thus making success harder to achieve next year.

5) Even the guys who aren't retiring: Do you think those veterans will take kindly to a tough camp after years of Camp Cupcake and being able to go home at night? I don't think a lot of players will respond to that. It's not Cowher's fault or Bisciotti's fault, I just think that's how it will be. The dreams of "discipline in Baltimore" are not legitimate because older players just don't give a damn. We have personnel that will respond to a player's coach. Let me pose it to you in a different way: If Cowher tells Ray to drop and give him 20, do you think Ray cares?

Cowher isn't coming, and he shouldn't come. There is a time and place for his style and I can't really argue with his success, but he's not going to come and even if he did, our team is structured in such a way that the response would not be as positive as Maese suggests.

Billick Out - Now Hire Rex Ryan, Please

The Baltimore Sun reported this afternoon that the Ravens' head coach Brian Billick has been fired. Can you say, "Long time coming?"

I wrote earlier this month about owner Steve Bisciotti (A.K.A. The Man with the Tan) supporting Billick and what a stupid, stupid idea that was. Billick came in with the reputation of an offensive genius. The next year, his team won a Super Bowl for him. He rode that pony for seven years of disappointing offense and little playoff success. Besides great defense, the Ravens never really carried any kind of specific marking of Billick's "coaching." This season, the flaws were readily apparent as Billick called the plays himself ... and they still stunk. In doing so, he lost a lot of faith from the players.

I have some sympathy for the man - after all, he did win a Super Bowl and he had extraordinarily bad luck with QBs in his time. However, it felt like the man had more lives than a cat, and survived by taking credit for a string of great defenses and coordinators (two of whom are head coaches and one who should be).

This actually brings me to my next point.

In the article I wrote earlier, I suggested Rex Ryan should be the head coach and we should bring in a dynamite O-coordinator to support him in that area. Then we could have a situation similar to USC where Rex Ryan is the head coach and D-coordinator and someone runs the offense for him.

Now is a good time to say I wasn't kidding.

Steve Bisciotti - if you're reading this somewhere, please hire Rex Ryan as the new head coach of the Ravens. He is THE top coordinator looking for a head coaching job right now. Teams that will be soon replacing their coaches are going to look at Ryan first.

The players respect him and he has a system going in Baltimore. Just promote him right now. Grab him and squeeze before he goes off to, I don't know, San Francisco, Carolina or St. Louis. He knows he has a better shot at succeeding here with a lot of young talent.

Now, the best O-coordinators out there that might interview are Mike Martz from the Lions (retread), Jason Garrett from the Cowboys (what a smile!) and Rob Chudzinski from the Browns. To me, Chudzinski sounds the most fascinating: He single-handedly made the Browns into an offensive juggernaut (What, you think Romeo Crennel did that?). Plus, stealing him from under the nose of a division rival is tempting. Well, whoever it is, pick up somebody.

Also, guess who else is on the market? ROB RYAN, Rex's broski. I'm not sure how they would work together, but you can't deny that it could be interesting to bring the other Ryan in as a D-coordinator if the management wanted one. The Ryans under one franchise roof? Get outta here. Maybe that means Buddy only has to see one game a week.

The Ravens have a chance to be successful next season or the one after if they start making the right moves now. There's a big first step that needs to be taken.

Make Rex Ryan head coach. NOW.

And Billick is still coach ... why?

Well, in absentia of college sports (thank you, finals), today we gaze in on professional sports and, unfortunately, my favorite franchise.

The Ravens were the first team in the entire season to fall to the Miami Dolphins, 22 -16.

Here's the thing: I turned the game off when the score was 13-10 to work on an essay for finals. I already knew they were going to lose. I knew it: My Raven's sense was going off.

One thing about a team without a clutch offense is you can always tell that they'll lose the game after the momentum shift. They can't reclaim it.

Sure, you can blame injuries if you want. Sure, you can throw stones at Kyle Boller - he's been very bad behind center and he can't seem to stop his dancing or get rid of the ball properly. Blame a season of divas on defense who can't play as a team and who have ripped this locker room apart.

But one man, the man calling the plays and presiding over the locker room, has already somehow evaded responsibility.

This past week, Steve Bisciotti told Brian Billick, head coach of the Ravens, that his job was safe.

And, uh ... why?

I'm sure that many of you have heard that Billick came over from the Vikings as a heralded offensive coordinator and the Raven's offense has not good pretty much at all during his tenure. Their best ranking was 14th in 2001 ... you know, when Jamal Lewis almost broke the single-season rushing record. Even last year when the Ravens won a franchise-high 13 games, they only finished 17th in offense, and Billick was calling the plays after throwing best friend Jim Fassel under the bus. This season again, Billick was calling plays and we're currently ranked 24th in offense. Uh, aren't you supposed to be the genius?

BUT THAT'S NOT ALL!!! Two seasons ago, after a 6-10 season, Brian Billick evaded the noose before - after a 6-10 season and a second consecutive missed playoff. Two years later, here we are again. Since then we've had one spectacular regular season - again resting heavily on defense - and a horribly botched playoff game, due much in part to bad coaching. And now? A franchise-worst 8 game losing streak. And he's not fired?

Plus, who can forget this great one-liner we heard time and time again: "Kyle Boller is our quarterback." Oh yeah? Well now Billick is using Boller as a shield, saying that the team hasn't been successful because of bad quarterback play.

What's more, Bisciotti does not blame Billick for the team's poor play, according to the report.

"The Ravens are not naive," the source said, according to The Sun. "Everyone has seen the injuries and the quarterback play.

No, I think the Ravens are naive for supporting a coach that supported a bad quarterback. Throwing a friend under the bus again, aren't we, Billick?

This man has evaded responsibility for too long and rested on the work of a slew of great defensive coordinators, two of whom are now head coaches and one who will be soon. Actually, why not make Rex Ryan coach of this Ravens team? He's got the respect of the players, is familiar with the system and personnel and we know he can coach at least one side of the ball, right?

Let's face it: The Ravens will always be a defensive team. You might as well get a defensive head coach and a really good offensive coordinator. It worked at USC with Pete Carroll and Norm Chow, right? With Rex Ryan and, say, Cam Cameron (maybe the single win saves his job, however) you could even have a USC-type situation with Ryan actually calling the defensive assignments and the O-coordinator pretty much covering the whole offense. Why not?

And as for the quarterback situation, ladies and gentlemen: Troy "The Answer" Smith.

The sad thing is I'm so serious right now.