The Pats take down God

Today on Monday Night Football, those of you who watched the Ravens-Patriots games witnessed the least-clutch football game in all of world history.

God (or gods, as some might prefer) was willing the Patriots to lose.

If you don't believe, consider this:

- God's linebacker was leading the Raven's defense.

- God healed Willis McGahee's knee and made him the best running back in the NFL, nothing short of miraculous. Seriously, have you seen the video?

- God made Kyle Boller good.

- The most important evidence: The wind was consistently hovering around 25 mph, taking away the deep ball, the most important and dangerous aspect of the Patriots' offense. Their longest pass was to Lawrence Maroney on a screen play.

So the Ravens were up, 24-20, with literally 1:30 to go. It was 4th and 1 and the Pats hurried up for a quarterback sneak. The Raven's D-line came through with a tackle for a loss and a turnover ... or at least they would have...

No, Rex Ryan called a timeout a split second before the play went off. What ensued was a QB scramble and conversion, a series of silly penalties and a JABAR GAFFNEY (!!!) touchdown.

Absolutely sickening. The Ravens just answered the question, "How can you make a bad season even worse?" By beating the best team in the NFL for 59 minutes and having the game IN THE BAG and LOSING.

The final proof that God was trying to beat the Pats? The last play was a Hail Mary... that was caught! Mark Clayton caught a 52-yard prayer by Boller 3 friggin' yards away from the end zone and was immediately tackled.

Belichick wins again. God hits the showers and gets ready for next week.